Leadership Was Never Meant to Feel Like This

Something has shifted in leadership, and most people are pretending not to notice.

Not in a dramatic way. Not with headlines or big moments.

But in the day to day weight leaders are carrying.

A kind of constant responsibility that does not switch off. A feeling that everything important somehow lands back on the same shoulders. A sense that no matter how much effort goes in, nothing really settles.

Leaders struggle to explain it because it does not look like failure from the outside.

The organisation keeps moving. Meetings happen. Targets are chased. People appear busy.

But inside, leadership feels heavier than it used to.

That is not imagination. And it is not weakness.

It is a sign that something fundamental is wrong.

Leadership is being used to prop things up

Leadership was never meant to be the thing that holds everything together.

In healthy organisations, leadership sets direction and makes choices.The system does the rest.

In unhealthy ones, leadership quietly becomes the glue.

Leaders fill gaps that should not exist.They smooth over decisions that do not make sense.They absorb frustration so it does not spread.

They carry uncertainty so others do not have to.

At first, this looks like dedication.

Over time, it becomes a habit. Then an expectation. Then a dependency.

Research into organisational design shows that when systems lack clarity, responsibility naturally migrates upward to individuals with the greatest sense of duty (see W. Edwards Deming’s work on systems and responsibility)

Eventually, leadership stops being about direction and becomes about containment.

That is when it starts to feel heavy.

Why everything seems to come back to you

When systems do not work properly, responsibility does not disappear.

It moves. It flows upwards until it finds someone conscientious enough to carry it.

That is usually a leader who cares.

So decisions that should be clear become personal judgement calls.Processes that should hold people become “handled case by case.”Problems that should resolve themselves keep reappearing.

This aligns with what organisational psychologists describe as role overload caused by structural ambiguity, not individual capability (see Harvard Business Review on decision overload in leadership).

Nothing breaks outright. But nothing really settles either.

This is why people burn out quietly

Burnout is often described as exhaustion.

But what most leaders experience is something subtler.

It is the tiredness that comes from knowing what would help but being unable to do it.

From being accountable for outcomes without control over the conditions.

From carrying responsibility without permission.

This is consistent with findings from the World Health Organization, which defines burnout as a workplace phenomenon linked to chronic organisational stress, not individual weakness.

That kind of tiredness does not go away with a holiday.

Because it is not caused by overwork. It is caused by internal conflict.

That is erosion.

When effort becomes the strategy

Many organisations now rely on effort instead of design.

If something is not working, people are expected to try harder. To stay available. To respond faster. To “step up.”

Over time, effort replaces structure.

The same leaders become indispensable. The same people are always in the loop. The same names are called when things wobble.

This mirrors what systems theorists warn against when organisations substitute heroics for infrastructure (see Donella Meadows on leverage points in systems).

When effort is the system, everything depends on the stamina of individuals.

That is not leadership. That is load bearing.

Why speed is making things worse

Speed is often mistaken for competence.

Fast responses. Quick decisions. Immediate action.

But speed hides uncertainty.

Research consistently shows that high pressure environments reduce decision quality and increase risk (see Daniel Kahneman’s work on cognitive load and judgement under pressure).

When everything feels urgent, there is no space to think.

Leaders feel busy, but not effective. Decisions multiply, but clarity does not.

Why fixing leaders does not fix the problem

When organisations sense leadership strain, they often turn to development.

More training. More coaching. More tools.

These can help individuals cope, but they do not change the conditions creating the strain.

Studies on leadership development show that individual interventions fail when organisational systems remain unchanged (Harvard Business Review, “Why Leadership Training Fails”).

This is how capable leaders start doubting themselves instead of questioning the structure.

The quiet truth most people avoid

If leadership feels heavier than it should, that is because it is.

Not because leaders are failing. But because leadership is being used to carry things it was never meant to hold.

When leadership becomes load bearing, the system is already broken.

And no amount of effort will fix that.

I work one to one with a small number of leaders on exactly this kind of structural tension. Book a call directly with Rebecca to learn more.